Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
