This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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