Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
