I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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