I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
