so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
