he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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