I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
