New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
