Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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