I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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