just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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