I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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