Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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