that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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