just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
