thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
