Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
