How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
