if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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