The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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