Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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