I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
