if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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