Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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