Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
