Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
