dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
