it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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