Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
