Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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