i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
