I cannot find my penis.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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