This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
