If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
