What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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