I cannot find my penis.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
