My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
