I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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