Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
