His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
