New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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