so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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