i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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