fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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