Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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