3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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