nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
