Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
