he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
