Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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