Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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