FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
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Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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