I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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