Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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