hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
